Me (calling whilst pacing in alley): Sarah!
Sarah: Yes, what's going on?
Me: I wish I could small talk but I need your consultation.
Sarah: Ok, well how did the show go?
Me: It was great. I think. I mean people high-fived me, but that’s why I’m calling.
Sarah: Ok…
Me: So the show is going well and then Jonny5 of the Flobots gets on stage and starts talking with me about the comedy…
Sarah: (trying to get things done) mmm-mmm
Me: And he says that people are supposed to drive to the end of the merge lane and then try to get into traffic and I’m saying no, you need to get in earlier.
Sarah: Why are you—What?
Me: It was part of my comedy so he’s on stage countering with his opinion and I’m saying mine and then I say maybe we do a rap about merging in traffic and the little wave…
Sarah: Like, the little wave you make when someone lets you into traff—
Me: YES and that’s my question.
Sarah: About merging into traffic?
Me: No, should I stay and wait to rap battle? I mean he said it on stage but you know how I’m terrible at conversation if I hang around after a show.
Sarah: Well, did he say, “hang around and then we’ll rap battle?”
Me: Well, it was like on stage in the heat of the moment and I said we should and then he said that we should do it later because there were other people still yet to perform.
Sarah: That’s a clear no.
Me: Right, just go. That’s what you’re saying. Don’t wait; just leave. That’s what I should do.
Sarah: Yes.
Me: Because I’d just be hanging around and it would be weird…
Sarah: Leave them wanting more…
Me: That’s what I would say.
Sarah: Yes. yep. I’m gonna get some things done now
Me: You just did a thing. Put it down as a thing. It’s important this guidance.
Me: (just excited noise making as I feel pretty good about whatever just went down)
Sarah: Ok, don’t hang.
Me: I’m gone. I’m not needy. I mean not now anymore.
Sarah: Good night!
Rap battle at any moment.